Why Every Star Wars Character is Supreme Leader Snoke

 

 

In Star Wars Episode VII, we were introduced to the giant hologram form of a new big evil villain who is corrupting the son of Han Solo and Leia Organa with the dark side of the Force. There have been many theories on who the new Star Wars villain truly may be. Everyone on the internet has a theory about who this Supreme Leader Snoke is and they all kind of stink. They are also all correct. Here are all of my theories as to who Supreme Leader Snoke really is.

 

R2-D2

 

R2-D2 has to be Supreme Leader Snoke. Think about it, Snoke has only been seen as a hologram. Who do we know can project holograms? That’s right, R2-D2. Furthermore, everyone’s favorite astromech droid has been around since Episode I, and if you remember the end of Episode III, Bail Organa doesn’t wipe his memory. He has ALL THE HISTORY! Sure, people will say that R2 was at the Resistance’s base the whole time, seemingly mothballed, but who is to say that R2 couldn’t access a hologram projector wherever he wanted to project some weird figure out of a Tool video?

 

C-3PO

 

Take a good look at Supreme Leader Snoke. That’s probably what Anthony Daniels looks like after 40 years of squeezing into that robot suit.

 

Chewbacca

 

Chewbacca is Snoke because he became jealous of Han Solo’s son, Ben, after he was born. Chewie missed flying around the galaxy with his favorite smuggler so he decided to create a new persona to manipulate the little brat out of the picture. We’ve never heard Chewie speak the “Basic” language, but we know he understands it. We also don’t know what Chewbacca looks like under all that hair. My bet is that he looks just like Snoke. Also, Chewie is big, Snoke is big…

 

Luke Skywalker

 

You know that guy that plays chess against himself in the park because there isn’t anyone good enough to beat him? That’s Luke Skywalker after Darth Vader dies. Luke is tired of being “The Last Jedi” and decides to start some drama so that he would be relevant again. Bored, with nobody to swing a lightsaber at, he creates the Snoke identity to not only for something to do, but also to get revenge on Han Solo for stealing the love of his life from him—his sister.

 

Anakin Skywalker

 

We only saw Vader’s suit and helmet burning on the pyre at the end of Return of the Jedi. I know, we saw two different force ghosts of Anakin as well, but doesn’t that kind of tell you that anything goes in these movies?

 

Han Solo

 

The famous smuggler and general always had an angle, and getting his son Ben back would be no exception. He becomes Snoke to trick Ben into loving him again, only as another person. Ben becomes Kylo Ren and desperately needs Snoke’s approval; Han’s wish is fulfilled! Only now it’s getting too complicated, with Han re-booting the Galactic Empire and not being able to keep up the charade any longer. Han realizes he has to fake his own death and to do so convincingly, has to make Ben think that he killed his father.

 

General Leia Organa

 

Leia is Snoke for the same reason Han is Snoke. She wants to get Ben back. She stumbled on to Han’s Snoke plan and started taking over the role while Han was a way. That’s why Kylo is so conflicted: BECAUSE BOTH OF HIS PARENTS ARE FIGHTING EACH OTHER THROUGH HIM!

 

Lando Calrissian

 

How could Lando NOT be Supreme Leader Snoke? We don’t know where Lando is. He’s got motive. After feeling the unbelievable rush of blowing up that second, bigger Death Star in his old ship, the Millennium Falcon, he gets bitter about losing the ship to Solo in the “best game of sabacc” Han ever played. You lose a sweet ship like that in a card game and you too might think of turning the son of the man that bested you into the new dark power in the galaxy. Also, I imagine that sketchy gas mining deal Lando had going in Cloud City probably produced the chemicals to not only deteriorate Snoke’s appearance, but also made him twenty feet tall.

 

Uncle Owen

 

First of all, you don’t know whose skeletons those were on Tatooine in Episode IV. Also, becoming Snoke seems like something that grumpy old bastard would do.

 

Mon Mothma

 

Haven’t seen Mon Mothma in a while, have you? It’s because she’s totally Snoke.

 

 

Rey

 

Perhaps you noticed that Supreme Leader Snoke and Rey are never in the same scene together. There’s a simple explanation for that. Rey and Snoke are the same person. Rey uses the technology she steals from the wrecks of AT-ATs and Star Destroyers on Jakku to project herself as Snoke to use the military might of The First Order to find her mom and dad.

 

Wicket the Ewok

 

Have you ever seen what an Ewok looks like when you crash a moon-sized satellite into its home world and burn all its fur off? Motivated to learn the language and destroy both the Empire AND Rebellion for putting them in the middle of a war they didn’t ask for, Wicket becomes Snoke to steal the baby of the woman that got him into that whole mess in the first place—Princess/General Leia!

 

Jabba the Hutt

 

Jabba has a huge bone to pick with all of the Star Wars gang. The Hutts certainly had the scratch to keep the Empire running as the scaled back First Order. I know you think you saw him die by Leia’s hand, but come on! How do you strangle Jabba’s neck? Where was his neck? He may as well have been all neck. The Hutts are highly resilient and I’m betting he was just faking that disgusting tongue roll and tail flap. You don’t think he does that all the time? That’s a Tuesday for a Hutt. If Jabba isn’t Snoke, he’s pulling the strings.

 

Finn

 

I never saw Finn and Snoke in the same room together. That’s all I’m saying.

 

The Clone Troopers

 

They each take a turn as Snoke and they all look alike, so it works. It’s part of their new collective army approach to ruling the galaxy. It’s also why Finn feels singled out. He’s not like the others.

 

Han’s Frozen Tauntaun

 

We know surprisingly little about tauntauns. It is entirely possible that Han’s tauntaun didn’t freeze to death or die by the horrific lightsaber belly-wound. Tauntauns might be brilliant shapeshifters that are comfortable with humans riding them around. That’s why this is the most likely alter-ego of Snoke, because of what tauntauns might be capable of.

 

Padme

 

Padme is back, and she’s making her big play. The Grandmother of Ben Solo just wants some quality time with her Grandson. We don’t know what she went through to become a giant disfigured hologram, but a whole lot can happen in forty years or so. She’s got no love for the Jedi. They got her into this mess in the first place. If she would have just paid the trade federation the extra 3% they were holding out for, the Jedi never would have shown up and started “aggressive negotiations.”

 

Yoda

 

Say that you’re 900 years old and you’ve been a good little boy all of your life, then, towards the end, a narcissistic, power hungry, maniac ruins everything you built, forcing you to spend your retirement years alone on a swamp planet. Your only visitors are a whiny kid who is trying to cram all of your 900 years of knowledge into a weekend of training, and an old friend who appears as a ghost, but only when the kid is around. You would probably snap too, make yourself disappear, and take a shot at being the baddest badguy in the galaxy. That’s why Snoke, Yoda is.

 

Snoke

 

So far, Snoke is the only character to identify himself as himself. He looks, sounds and acts like Supreme Leader Snoke. The only thing that points to Snoke not being Snoke is the fact that he’s just a hologram.

 

 

Grand Moff Tarkin

 

Tell me Snoke doesn’t look like the decomposing body of Peter Cushing.

 

So there you have it. When the big reveal happens in Episode VIII or Episode IX, you won’t be surprised.