Local Business Marketing

Running a business sounds incredibly difficult.  I understand this and salute those brave enough to attempt it.  Startup capital?  Business plan? Quarterly taxes? All things that should make the average person’s head spin.  The thought of only one of those three random facets of business running is enough to put your head back into your screen and close the imaginary flap on your cubicle wall.  But there is one place where I have a little knowledge in the business arena, and that is marketing and advertising.

I’m no DDB or Cole and Weber, but I do know that marketing your business, and in turn advertising it, is a key part of making your small business work.  Not to make the business successful, not a “hit”, but just squeek by and break even.

Let’s take this poor sucker down the street who poured his life savings into turning a once successful coffee stand into a drive through hamburger joint.  Looks like he spared no expense.  I would drive by and shake my head as I saw him setting the place up.  Why was I shaking my head?  Because this guy that makes a totally awesome hamburger and fries and has staked his retirement on the success of this tiny little operation did everything right… with the exception of any kind of realistic marketing analysis whatsoever.

You see, this man set up a hamburger stand directly across the street from the number 1 hamburger stand IN THE WORLD.  So close, you measure it in feet, not yards.  It’s so close, you can almost read the McDonald’s menu from the drive through of the little stand.  And yes, the burgers may be better at the little stand, but you can get four burgers for the price of one at the huge competition. Does the little hamburger stand have a licensing agreement with Dreamworks movie Puss In Boots, gauranteeing a cheap but desirable plastic toy to every child that comes through?  Before you look it up, the answer is “no”.

The owner may have asked why the coffee stand went out of business.  After all, the building is little but solid, with all the great things necessary to run a food service out of.  The stand served coffee that was exceptional, I’m told, and was operational for only a few years… until the number 1 coffee shop in the world (no, not Tom Horton’s) had moved in literally one driveway over.  Next door.  The minute those green and white corporate doors swung open, that coffee stand was doomed.  But when the coffee stand owner built there, no such competition existed, and it did a good business. When this happens, you will be squashed.  But the burger guy was squashed before he began.

I picture the conversation between the coffee stand owner and the burger joint venture capitalist going something like this:

Burger guy:  I see you are selling this magnificent little coffee stand.  Why on Earth would you want to sell it?  It’s been my dream to open a burger joint just like it.

Coffee guy:  Are you kidding me? I’m actually standing in the morning shadow of the largest coffee corporation on the planet and talking over the idling engines of the cars waiting to be served coffee that I didn’t make them.

Burger guy:  Yes, but you didn’t answer my question.  Why would you sell such a perfect little coffee stand?

Coffee guy: (looks at the burger guy for a moment, assessing the situation) Uh, we found we couldn’t compete with the brand recognition and the price point of a coffee that has a universal flavor no matter where you order it anywhere in the world.

Burger guy: Well it seems to me that SOME people would buy your coffee and be loyal to your shop.

Coffee guy: You know, it turns out that they WON’T.  You see that guy in the red pickup about to pick up his latte there at Starbucks?  Yeah, that’s my brother.  I used to give him FREE coffee.  The first time I saw him in that line, he just shrugged and waived.

Burger guy: Surely SOMEONE has remained loyal to you?  Are you sure you’re not doing something wrong?

Coffee guy: I was KILLING IT in the coffee biz until they opened two months ago.  I haven’t changed a thing.  It’s their marketing, you can’t escape it.  I sat down to do my books, to try to figure out how to survive this situation.  A half an hour later, I realized I was sitting in THAT STARBUCKS with a cup of coffee that I paid for.  There’s no way a little guy can compete with that sized corporate game.  NO WAY

Burger guy: Well, it’s been my life’s dream to open up a hamburger stand and this building is perfect for it.  I’ve saved everything for the past thirty years to do it and I’m ready to do it!

Coffee guy: Ronald McDonald will walk across the street himself and burn your business to the ground.  I can’t sell it to you.

Burger guy: My burgers are amazing, I will use good food, freshly grown ingredients and a few family recipes for sweet treats.  I’m ready to do this, so how much for your coffee stand?

Coffee guy:  (ponders,waits, looks the burger guy right in the eye, and without flinching says:) $3.6 million.

Burger guy: Seems a little steep but okay.

I’m betting I’m not too far off.

I had to drive by the hamburger stand daily.  Each time, I would shake my head and be angry, ANGRY at the ridiculousness of having to watch this spectacle play out.  I was the Cassandra of the myth, knowing this was going to explode in this man’s face.

They went through all the stages of a dying small business.  The first week, there’s a “Grand Opening” sign up, and it stays up, usually the whole life of the business.  Then there’s a sandwich board saying the same thing that appears the next week.  Then the multi-colored flags make an appearance about a month in.  The next thing that happens is the flashing “OPEN” sign together with the new “Yes, We’re Open” banner, which was ordered and hung with more denial about their business failure.  “Ha ha! Maybe they just don’t understand that we’re ready to make them a hamburger!” Spirals into Christmas lights, more multi-colored flags, a strobe light and finally, the sign that says: TEMPORARILY CLOSED.  REORGANIZING.

They’ve been closed for more than a year.   You know what would have worked there? Anything else.  Anything but a coffee stand or hamburger joint.  A hotdog place would have rocked right there.

This guy probably thinks it was the economy.  No, people eat cheap in the down economies and he would have been fine if there was a KFC or Taco Bell across the street.  Maybe not Taco Bell, but you get me right?  This was purely BAAAAAAAAD marketing on his part by not choosing the proper PLACE for his business.

This isn’t even what I wanted to talk to you about tonight.  I wanted to talk about the Chevrolet Dealership that has the bad commercials.  Another time maybe.

So kids, if you plan to open up an electronics store, don’t do it next to Best Buy.  If you’re planning to open up a donut shop, don’t do it next to Krispie Kreme…  Coat store, Burlington Coat Factory; guitar store, Guitar Center; pet store, Pet Smart; accordian store, Petosa Accordians.  It may just save your business and that’s the Damm truth.