Wishes

Wishes, we all have them. Some big, some tiny, but they are ever present in all of our internal monologues.

The idea that a person could want something so much that it magically happens has been with humans since we were breaking rocks to make littler, sharper rocks to scrape animal hide. “It would be very nice to just find some decent stone axes, instead of having to knock these rocks together. I’m banging the heck out of my new opposable thumbs,” probably said a cave person.

I don’t think it’s a purely human idea either. Anyone making a ham sandwich with a dog watching can practically FEEL the dog trying to telepathically move the sandwich from plate to the dog’s mouth, or at least to a lesser distance to the dog measured only by speed of snout vs. speed of human hand, minus flinch factor. That might be an actual animal thought diagram. You’re welcome, Science.

People love to wish for things, and do so with the help of birthday candles, holidays, lamp rubbing, star sighting, belly patting, time observance, planet and/or moon alignment, poultry bone breaking rituals or really for any made up occurrence, probably on the spot.

And I believe in all of this.

I make no apologies for it. I’m happy to throw coins in fountains or look for four leafed clovers as long as it still promises to magically get me something for nothing. I have thought so hard on this, that I now only have two wishes that I alternate between.

The first wish may sound plain and unoriginal, but it is to win the lottery. However, I only use this wish when I feel the jackpot is past a certain dollar amount, an amount enough to allow me to put my plan into motion. The Jackpot would need to be over $300 million, therefore I only start wishing this particular wish after it reaches that level. Wishing for a lesser amount would be greedy as I would be wishing for a lottery win far more often if any old amount would do.

What is this plan? Well, I’ve made no secret that I would purchase a luxury submarine from www.ussubs.com . Either the Seattle or Phoenix class would suit my purposes. These are around the $80 million mark. Now a $300 million lottery win would work out to being around $130 million after taxes and a fee for taking the upfront payout. (Lotteries SAY that you would win $300 million but they mean only if you take it over 25 years. If you want one lump sum all at once, they say, “Well we don’t have the whole $300 million ON US RIGHT NOW! But here’s $150 million or so if you want to be that way.” Most people want to “be that way.”) My family and I would travel the world, getting into adventures and seeing the sights of our globe while delighting in a never ending supply of sushi and Otter-pops. I dare to dream. I would take you for a spin on my sub. I would. Every responsible adult owes it to themselves to map out a plan for winning the lottery like I have. Otherwise you end up frittering away your fortune on silly stuff.

The second, more frequent wish is for the powers and abilities of The Martian Manhunter. ..

*cough*

Why the Martian Manhunter? Who is he? Why not Superman or Batman? Well, I’ll tell you.

The Martian Manhunter is probably the most versatile super hero in comics. Are there more powerful? Yes, but versatility I value much more than raw power. Like Superman, he has super speed. He may not be as fast, but definitely fast enough to get where he wants to go faster than anything else on this planet. He has the power of flight, Martian heat beams, X-ray vision, incredible strength, and invulnerability. The only thing he doesn’t do that Superman can is the frozen breath thing. Although useful, I would trade these abilities for the OTHER powers the Manhunter has. He can become both Invisible and intangible but not mutually exclusively. He can read and link minds together (HUGE). But he is also a shape shifter and may become any person or animal he can think of.

Think of it. Abilities that could allow you to take care of any other wish you may have. Rock hard abs? Done. Ugly Mole? Gone. Want to give your mom the thrill of a lifetime? Show up at her birthday party as James Spader. I’m sure even the least creative of us can think of fun ideas with some of these abilities. Mind reading, though incredibly invasive, might be useful. I myself would want to know the secrets that only a few have the answers to. Answers to huge mysteries like: Who really killed Robert Kennedy? Or who did Carly Simon write “You’re So Vain about.” I believe the answer to both is Mick Jagger.

What about flying to work invisible? You could even pretend to be your boss. The sky is the limit.

I know what you’re thinking. You can’t wish for super powers, you can only wish for REAL things, like money or for that unfortunate dinner party where you wet your pants to be erased from everyone’s memory. But I would like to remind you that we are talking about the magical bending of reality based on superstition and not anything that is bound by reality. If it is possible for a wish to come true, then it is also possible for me to shoot laser like beams out of eyes that look like Ryan Gosling’s, and that is the Damm truth.