Open letter to Safeway
Here’s something I just uploaded to Safeway’s customer service site, and that’s the Damm truth.
Dear Safeway,
There is an opportunity for Safeway to have what nobody else has and what consumers want. There is a flavor of seltzer water that is missing from every major maker of naturally flavored seltzer water. The flavor is Peach. Not Peach/Pear, Peach/Mango or Peaches and Herb, just plain Peach. White Peach would be acceptable, but I don’t know how important the “white” part is.
Seagrams Seltzer was doing a White Peach for awhile but then they teamed up with Dasani and they don’t make it anymore. LaCroix does a Peach/Pear, but it isn’t the same. Talking Rain does a Peach/Nectarine, again, not the same. Peach. Peach is the future.
Right now you offer Raspberry, Mixed Berry, Citrus, Grapefruit, Lemon/Lime and Seltzer in your Refreshe brand.
I’m not asking you to add a flavor to this list. That would cost money. I know business Safeway, and I would not steer you wrong. I’m asking you to replace a redundant flavor for something new, something bold, something that stands on its own. Peach is the logical choice.
You have two citrus flavor and two berry flavors. Now, Mixed berry covers your berry bases, you could get rid of Raspberry, which I will admit to purchasing when Mixed Berry is out. But this is your most redundant flavor.
The overwhelming choice to cut is Grapefruit. I can only imagine the focus group that chose Grapefruit over Peach. Did you serve them all scalding hot coffee so their taste buds wouldn’t know they were tasting Grapefruit? Was there a mixup in the data? Perhaps someone in marketing lied about their ability to calculate statistics and screwed up the deviation.
Or maybe somebody knows somebody at the grapefruit orchard and is getting a sweet kickback on natural grapefruit oils and flavors. Or maybe it was just Friday afternoon and research was tired and ready to clock out for a three-day weekend, so they filled the final flavor slot with Grapefruit. Maybe they really wanted Grape, specified it as a fruit, and someone took it literally.
I don’t know, my point is: Grapefruit is terrible. But don’t take my word for it. When was the last time you saw a grapefruit cobbler? Grapefruit pie? Grapefruit Smoothie? Did the Allman Brothers Band name one of their classic albums “Eat a Grapefruit?” No, they did not; because “Melissa” was sweet, like a peach, not like a grapefruit.
Grapefruit is what people eat at the end of their rope. It’s a “have to” food and not a “get to” food.
Also, did you know that grapefruit can actually adversely effect some medications and super charge them? Look it up. Boy, I’d hate to have my can of Grapefruit whatever found next to someone who had inadvertently taken the wrong prescription medication. Think of the implications. Think of the lawsuits.
Peach is a win/win for you Safeway. No, it’s a win/win/win. That’s three (3) wins for Safeway.
Win 1: Safeway represents and dominates the market with Refreshe Peach Seltzer. Nobody else does Peach!
Win 2: You quietly fix your Grapefruit mistake by removing the flavor and upsetting absolutely nobody at all. You will even be a little proactive by not disappointing someone who may have purchased Grapefruit by mistake because they were in a hurry.
Win 3: Cash. This is going to make the stock jump. My purchases of your new Peach flavor will move the needle enough on your stock price that you may invite me up to Wall Street to ring the opening bell. I’m serious, over the next 20-46 years or so I will literally buy truckloads of Refreshe Peach Seltzer.
Now, I know you’re going to look into this Safeway. It’s what you do. When a customer comes to you with a legitimate, logically sound request, you’re going to take action. You know how I know this? Because I worked for you for six years. I bled for you Safeway, literally cut myself dozens of times (never reported it either, I know we have to keep the accident-free days in the triple digits). Your customer service is second to none. My manager, the immortal Max Ferris, taught me that.
I only hope that you don’t go too hard on whoever made the Grapefruit mistake. Let’s not live in the past—which is where anyone who enjoys Grapefruit lives. Let’s take this idea, and run with it. Don’t try to pass it, that’s what Grapefruit would do.
This should be the easiest, best decision you make all year Safeway. I’m giving this to you for free. Take the credit. You’ve earned it by just making it to the end of this letter.
Refreshe Peach Seltzer
Thank you for your consideration,
Steve Damm
Peach